He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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