Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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