worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.