so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party