Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.