So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.