You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
