I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize