i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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