i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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