I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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