She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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