as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
