He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
as a side note pls kill me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize