You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
