I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
