Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
