I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
