I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
