so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
