You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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