I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nutella sex= disaster
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
