I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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