i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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