Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
