My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
