that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
