I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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