No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
