Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
