He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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