If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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