Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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