Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
