the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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