Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
