I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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