The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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