i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
