i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
