So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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