I didn't shave. On purpose
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
