actually, I'm a sock model
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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