Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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