Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
3pm strippers are depressing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
