why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
