Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
