it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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