You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
