Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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