did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
