We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
