I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
