Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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