I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The uberlube is also flammable
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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