I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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