god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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