So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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