yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
