I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You don't make any sense
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