Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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