She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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