Taylor Swift is so right about you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
